Ask people what they think of as gratitude, and our first thoughts might lead us to remembering saying 'Thank you" for a gift received, but gratitude is much broader than that.
It's a wonder and appreciation of life and the amazing natural world around us.
It's comparing ourselves to those less fortunate than ourselves and counting our blessings. It's acknowledging the role that other people have had in our lives. It's about savouring what is good in our lives, and focussing on things and events that have made us happy and being thankful for that.
For some people, gratitude has a religious context; when I was younger and an active Christian I would pray each night and saying 'Thank You' to God was an important part of those prayers. Recently I have been watching Marie Kondo's "Tidying up" series on Netflix and I was struck by her instructions that when sorting out old clothes you should say 'Thank you" to them for the service they have given you, and that this makes it easier to part with them. I'm sure that this is related to her own spiritual upbringing.
Whether you are religious or not, gratitude is a really powerful tool that we can all use to improve our lives.
So why does a grateful attitude make us happier?
There's a whole body of scientific research which I have been reading which probably explains this much better than me, but here's my take on what I've read.
Gratitude helps us savour the good things in our lives, and makes us feel more positive. It's so easy to get caught up in thinking and worrying about the past and the future, but gratitude draws our attention to what is good right here and now, makes the most of the present moment. This helps us create happy memories which are good for our wellbeing and creating a positive mindset.
Gratitude helps us connect with other people. If you consciously think about the good things that you appreciate about your family, you are less likely to be irritated by your teenagers thinking that a floor is a good place for clothes and other irritating habits!
Gratitude reminds us that almost all of the time, there is a silver lining, however big the cloud, and helps us to be resilient when things aren't going well.
Gratitude helps us make useful comparisons. Our levels of happiness are strongly related to what we compare them to. If we constantly compare ourselves to our perception of other people having a better life than ours (more money, more friends, better looking) then this has a big negative impact on our self esteem and satisfaction with life. But if we start to draw our attention to what is good in our life and think about it with gratitude, we can redress this balance and get a much more even keeled view of our own lives which will make us happier in the process.
Gratitude stops us taking stuff for granted. The way our brains are wired is that we adjust to stuff more than we think we do. This adjustment can be useful when we face tough times, we can adapt to the circumstances and not be down for too long, but the downside is that we very quickly get used to good things in our life, and take them for granted. For example, if you have been driving for a few years, think back and remember the excitement you felt when we drove your first car as a young person - then think about how you feel when when you hop what is probably a much nicer car now - I'm guessing it's not nearly as exciting.
I volunteer in Oxfam one morning a week, and it's a great charity to work for, but one of the benefits for me is that it reminds me of how well off we are in the UK compared to many people living in poverty. I might be having a bad day, but our family has food, shelter, warmth, water, medical care. So just thinking about the people Oxfam supports makes me feel very grateful for what I have, and I'm sure that boosts my happiness levels.
There's lots more that can be said about gratitude, but that's good for a start.
So how can we take an active step to cultivate gratitude in our lives and the benefits it brings?
One method that I have been trying for the last couple of months is to keep a gratitude journal. This is based on scientific studies that have shown that the simple act of writing down three to five things that you are grateful for, on a regular basis, can significantly improve your wellbeing.
It's very simple - find yourself a notebook and pen, and set yourself a regular time when you will sit down and jot down 3 good things that you are grateful for. You can aim for once a day, or less often depending on what suits you. The important thing is to be regular, but so that it doesn't feel like a chore! Feeling you ought to be grateful for something isn't the same as really feeling it, and won't have the same effect.
Just write down what you can think of that you are grateful for today.
It might be something that you have done that you have enjoyed. A conversation with a friend. A lovely sunset. A fun day out. The fact that your day at work was OK when it's normally really hard. The fact that it was raining but you didn't have to go out. Or that you did, but the feeling of rain on your face made you feel alive. Fish n chips. A roof over your head. That you managed to finish tidying a pile of mess. Whatever it was that made you happy today that you feel grateful for, write it down.
You don't have to write loads. It can be a simple list, or you can expand as you wish.
I write my journal most nights before I go to bed. Thinking about the good stuff before I nod off has also helped me sleep better. I aim for 3 things but some days there's lots more! Looking back on what I've written in the last couple of months also has made me realise what are the best bits of my life. It's often the simple stuff, dog walking with friends, eating a meal with my family.
And has it helped me feel happier? Yes, I think it has. I feel more positive and even when things don't go well, I think it helps me keep stuff in perspective. I feel closer to some of my family members too.
Try it for a couple of weeks, and see if it works for you.
Let me know how you get on. I would love to hear how it works for you if you haven't tried it before, or if you keep a gratitude journal already, drop me an email or add a comment and tell me about your experience.
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