Cultivating Gratitude and Increasing Happiness by keeping a Gratitude Journal

Towards the end of last year, when I started learning about positive interventions to increase our levels of happiness and wellbeing, I was intrigued to learn about the part that cultivating gratitude can play in this process.


Ask people what they think of as gratitude, and our first thoughts might lead us to remembering saying 'Thank you" for a gift received, but gratitude is much broader than that. 

It's a wonder and appreciation of life and the amazing natural world around us. 
It's comparing ourselves to those less fortunate than ourselves and counting our blessings. It's acknowledging the role that other people have had in our lives. It's about savouring what is good in our lives, and focussing on things and events that have made us happy and being thankful for that.

For some people, gratitude has a religious context; when I was younger and an active Christian I would pray each night and saying 'Thank You' to God was an important part of those prayers. Recently I have been watching Marie Kondo's "Tidying up" series on Netflix and I was struck by her instructions that when sorting out old clothes you should say 'Thank you" to them for the service they have given you, and that this makes it easier to part with them. I'm sure that this is related to her own spiritual upbringing. 

Whether you are religious or not, gratitude is a really powerful tool that we can all use to improve our lives.

So why does a grateful attitude make us happier?

There's a whole body of scientific research which I have been reading which probably explains this much better than me, but here's my take on what I've read.

Gratitude helps us savour the good things in our lives, and makes us feel more positive. It's so easy to get caught up in thinking and worrying about the past and the future, but gratitude draws our attention to what is good right here and now, makes the most of the present moment.  This helps us create happy memories which are good for our wellbeing and  creating a positive mindset. 

Gratitude helps us connect with other people. If you consciously think about the good things that you appreciate about your family, you are less likely to be irritated by your teenagers thinking that a floor is a good place for clothes and other irritating habits! 

Gratitude reminds us that almost all of the time, there is a silver lining, however big the cloud, and helps us to be resilient when things aren't going well. 

Gratitude helps us make useful comparisons. Our levels of happiness are strongly related to what we compare them to. If we constantly compare ourselves to our perception of other people having a better life than ours (more money, more friends, better looking) then this has a big negative impact on our self esteem and satisfaction with life. But if we start to draw our attention to what is good in our life and think about it with gratitude, we can redress this balance and get a much more even keeled view of our own lives which will make us happier in the process.

Gratitude stops us taking stuff for granted.  The way our brains are wired is that we adjust to stuff more than we think we do.  This adjustment can be useful when we face tough times, we can adapt to the circumstances and not be down for too long, but the downside is that we very quickly get used to good things in our life, and take them for granted. For example, if you have been driving for a few years, think back and remember the excitement you felt when we drove your first car as a young person - then think about how you feel when when you hop what is probably a much nicer car now - I'm guessing it's not nearly as exciting.

I volunteer in Oxfam one morning a week, and it's a great charity to work for, but one of the benefits for me is that it reminds me of how well off we are in the UK compared to many people living in poverty. I might be having a bad day, but our family has food, shelter, warmth, water, medical care. So just thinking about the people Oxfam supports makes me feel very grateful for what I have, and I'm sure that boosts my happiness levels.

There's lots more that can be said about gratitude, but that's good for a start.

So how can we take an active step to cultivate gratitude in our lives and the benefits it brings?

One method that I have been trying for the last couple of months is to keep a gratitude journal.  This is based on scientific studies that have shown that the simple act of writing down three to five things that you are grateful for, on a regular basis, can significantly improve your wellbeing.  

It's very simple - find yourself a notebook and pen, and set yourself a regular time when you will sit down and jot down 3 good things that you are grateful for. You can aim for once a day, or less often depending on what suits you. The important thing is to be regular, but so that it doesn't feel like a chore! Feeling you ought to be grateful for something isn't the same as really feeling it, and won't have the same effect.

Just write down what you can think of that you are grateful for today. 

It might be something that you have done that you have enjoyed. A conversation with a friend. A lovely sunset. A fun day out. The fact that your day at work was OK when it's normally really hard. The fact that it was raining but you didn't have to go out. Or that you did, but the feeling of rain on your face made you feel alive. Fish n chips. A roof over your head. That you managed to finish tidying a pile of mess. Whatever it was that made you happy today that you feel grateful for, write it down.

You don't have to write loads. It can be a simple list, or you can expand as you wish. 

I write my journal most nights before I go to bed. Thinking about the good stuff before I nod off has also helped me sleep better. I aim for 3 things but some days there's lots more! Looking back on what I've written in the last couple of months also has made me realise what are the best bits of my life. It's often the simple stuff, dog walking with friends, eating a meal with my family. 

And has it helped me feel happier? Yes, I think it has. I feel more positive and even when things don't go well, I think it helps me keep stuff in perspective. I feel closer to some of my family members too.

Try it for a couple of weeks, and see if it works for you.

Let me know how you get on.  I would love to hear how it works for you if you haven't tried it before, or if you keep a gratitude journal already, drop me an email or add a comment and tell me about your experience.

My journey into Positive Psychology begins...

For the last 20 years I've been focussed on raising my three children but a few years ago they started spreading their wings and suddenly the mother bird's role was changed.  I felt unsettled, one minute they didn't need me, the next there was a crisis and I was rushed off my feet! I feel it was time to start something new and to spread my own wings.

I started this blog, 'The Fledgling Project' to chronicle my own attempts to get out from the nest and look at life differently. For a year I wrote about my experience of 'doing' rather than 'buying stuff' and other adventures, but when my year was up I had a case of severe writer's block, and stopped blogging as I wasn't sure what to write about next.

So a couple of years passed, life flows on, now two of my children are young adults at university, and my youngest isn't far behind. 

In the meantime, I continued reading and thinking about life and how we should live it, and started reading more and more about happiness and wellbeing. Suddenly, things sort of snowballed, and despite having studied psychology at university (rather a long time ago...) I discovered there was a new branch of psychology which had sprung up whilst I was I was busy building lego with my kids. Positive psychology is the scientific study of psychological wellbeing, the science behind happiness, creativity, positivity, joy, flow, hope, resilience and more - all the things that make life worth living. 

It's sort of surprising that no-one thought of it before, but when I studied psychology previously, we looked at topics such as memory, thinking, child development and abnormal psychology. So I came out of Uni knowing all about schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, but not what habits I could develop to make myself happier and more resilient in life.

In the last twenty years or so, interest in positive psychology has grown, and more and more scientists, researchers and practitioners have joined in the quest to understand how we humans flourish, what works and what we think might might make us happier but actually doesn't. And how to apply this to our everyday lives.

So now I have a new direction, and something to write about! In autumn this year I will be studying for an MSc in Applied Positive Psychology at Buckingham New University, and will be learning more about this fascinating subject and exploring how I can apply this knowledge to my own life to change for the better.

In this blog I will write about my own experiences, what I have learned, and share links to some of the great resources that are out there that anyone can access. Although my course doesn't start until the Autumn, I'm already immersing myself in the subject, reading and researching and trying out new things along the way.

It's going to be an exciting flight into new territory for me! I hope you will enjoy reading about it and enjoy the journey with me.

Challenge complete - my year of not buying things is over!

My first purchase -
 a vintage shirt for my son bought from Oxfam

A year ago I challenged myself to a year of not buying unnecessary 'things' and that year is finally over.

It has been a challenge, as I do like shopping in general, and for clothes in particular.  The first six months didn't seem too bad, but not being able to browse round the shops with the possibility of buying something new and different has become harder as the year progressed. It has been interesting though, to see my attitude to shopping changing. A year ago I would have bought an item of clothing 'because it will be useful - and hey, it's a bargain anyway..'.  But a year of abstinence has focused my thoughts on what I really need and desire.

What I needed was not very much. During the course of the year, the only item of clothing I have needed was socks, which I finally succumbed to after spending too long in the mornings rooting around trying to find a pair when most of them were in the wash.  Not only did I stop buying new clothes, but I also sent a lot of clothes to Oxfam. Not buying anything new meant I dug deep into my wardrobe to pull out things that I hadn't worn for a while. Some things became new favourites, others I realised that if I wasn't going to wear them this year, that they might as well go. So at the end of the year, I have a much slimmed down wardrobe, but despite this, I have never once felt badly dressed.

What I desired though was a different matter. I did miss not having anything new and fresh to wear. I missed the creativity of putting a new outfit together as a way of expressing myself.  When my birthday was reached half way through the year, a compromise was reached as kind friends and family gave me 2 new dresses, a cardi and a lovely top which I really appreciated, and kept me going. I also missed not buying things for other people when I saw something that someone would like.

So now that I am released from my self imposed 'buying new stuff' ban, how am I going to proceed?

I hope that I will think carefully before I buy something and think whether I really need it if I am buying it to be useful.

I hope that if I am buying myself that I don't really need, that it really lifts my spirits and that it is beautiful, and not something that I am buying because I am bored, or fooling myself that I need it when I don't.

I will try to buy as ethically as I can. I will enjoy charity shop shopping once again - if you don't mind pre-loved it has so many benefits - you are recycling, supporting a charity and getting reasonably priced items all at the same time.  If I'm buying new, I'll think twice about where I'm buying it and the values of the company that I'm buying from.

Lastly, I will continue to declutter my house. One of the benefits of not bringing new stuff in was that I could seriously set to and try to reduce the amount of 'stuff' that I already had. I have made good progress, but I'm not done yet. I'm determined to get to a point where I can spend less time being bogged down by tidying, managing and processing 'stuff' and more time getting out and enjoying life!

Not buying new things for a year - a few weeks to go!

Birthday present!

11 months ago I decided to challenge myself to a year of not buying unnecessary things, and I started on 1st September. Now that I have a few more weeks of shopping abstinence left, it seems like a good time to review how it has gone and answer the question that all my girl friends have asked - have I missed buying new clothes? 

I think the answer to that is that I have missed the fun of shopping and the novelty of something new, but I haven't really felt like I've missed out.

As I stated at the start of this blog - I am a happy shopper. I like browsing round the shops looking for clothes, presents, bargains, useful stuff. And I have missed that a bit. For the first six months it didn't seem so bad, but by April I was fed up with my wardrobe and really missed not having anything new. Salvation came in the form of my birthday, and a couple of new dresses and a new top from friends and family. One of the things I have learnt is not buying things myself made me far more appreciative of presents from other people. 

Also I have found not buying new things has made me dig deeper into my existing wardrobe. I have pulled out things that I haven't worn for a while, and either started wearing them, or given them to Oxfam. It's also made me think about the versatility of what I have - when my husband bought me a plain blue dress from White Stuff for my birthday I was delighted - normally I am drawn to colourful patterned dresses and tops, but I had realised that something plain was much more versatile, and I could change the look by adding a different cardigan or necklace.

As time has gone on, the weather has got warmer, and I have been able to dig out my summer clothes which has given my wardrobe a new lease of life. Again, I have become more ruthless with what I have - if I'm not going to wear it now, then I never will, so more clothes have gone to Oxfam.

So with a few weeks to go, I'm wondering what my response will be when I do allow myself to go shopping again. I don't feel like I'm going to rush out and buy a load of new things - after all I have really had pretty much everything I've needed, and I've felt pretty well dressed all year.  I am looking forward to the possibility of buying something though - the ability to browse round a charity shop with the thought that I could buy a necklace or scarf, or browsing round White Stuff or John Lewis. But I rather suspect I won't be buying much for a while, apart from replacing some leggings and cardigans that are a bit holey. After all I think I've proved something to myself over the last year - that I don't really need much in the way of new clothes, do I?

A new wardrobe without buying? - try a swap shop evening with friends

It's now eight months since I challenged myself to a year of not buying unnecessary 'stuff', and I have to say in the last couple of months it's been getting harder not to be tempted to break the rules. For starters, I miss shopping. I quite like pottering round the shops looking for something specific - although I still kept to my principle of not buying unnecessary things, Christmas did at least give me the opportunity to buy useful stuff for other people, so I had a reason to browse round the shops.  Secondly, I've been getting bored of my clothes. As I write this today, the English weather has lurched from a colder than normal spring into full summer heat almost overnight, so suddenly I am able to pull out my summer clothes and find something different to wear, but a couple of weeks ago I was getting really bored of the same winter clothes that I had been wearing since September.

So while I was bemoaning my lack of something new to wear a few weeks ago, I had an idea. Host a swap shop evening with my friends. The idea is simple - get all your friends to bring along a few articles of clothing that they no longer wear, do a bit of swapping, then everyone gets something new for a change. 

There were a few problems I could think of. We're all different shapes and sizes for starters. And what about my friends that don't 'do' secondhand as the thoughts of wearing something that someone else has worn has them running out the door. Could I tempt them somehow?

Well, it was my birthday coming up as well, so if we added in a couple of  bottles of sparkling wine and some nice nibbles, and made it a fun evening to chat as well as swap, I reckoned that would work. And we could include accessories and unused toiletries as well as clothes, so that would deal with the problem of us all being different shapes and sizes.

So I emailed out invites to my friends, explained my idea and invited them along, asking them to bring between 2-5 items that they no longer wanted. Some people were busy, but everyone seemed to like the idea, and a couple of weeks later, they all descended on my house one Friday evening clutching bags of their cast offs.

The evening went really well. I had set out the dining room with a clothes rail and some hangers and a table for other bits and bobs, and made sure that I kept their glasses topped while everyone chatted. To start with, I think everyone was a little too polite to start rummaging, and too busy enjoying talking, but then someone tried on a dress, and then we were all offering advice on what would suit different people, and trying things on. Some people were happy just to declutter their own wardrobes, others were really pleased to get something new. One of my friends couldn't find much in the way of clothes, but came along with some lovely soaps and candles that were presents that she didn't really want.  I think most people managed to find something to take away with them, and I was particularly pleased when my friend that doesn't 'do' secondhand fell in love with an evening bag that another friend had bought along that had hardly been used.

One of the fun things was watching several of us trying a simple black stretchy T shirt dress that a friend had bought from Jigsaw in the sale. It was fascinating seeing how the same dress looked on different people, but although it looked lovely on the hanger, but somehow just didn't seem to suit anyone. Sometimes you can see why things are in the sale after all.

I managed to find a lovely flowery dress that one of my friends didn't want any more, a skirt that didn't quite fit another friend and a couple of nice necklaces. After everyone had gone my daughter enjoyed looking through the leftovers, and found herself a couple of new items for her wardrobe. We had quite a lot of things leftover, so I bagged them up and took them into Oxfam the next time I was working there.

So all in all - it was a great evening. We had fun, we all decluttered our own wardrobes and found something new, and ended up with a big bag full of donations for Oxfam. And it put a hold on my 'I want something new!' pangs. We will definitely do it again.

Progress on stretching my wings - becoming an Oxfam Representative

photos courtesy of Oxfam Winchester

So far in my blog I have written quite a bit about decluttering, not buying stuff, and raising the Puppy, but I haven't written so much about my attempts to get out and involved in new things to challenge myself further. 

For almost eight years now I have been volunteering at my local Oxfam shop - something that I absolutely love doing. I started when my youngest went to school, one morning a week I trotted off to Oxfam to help sort and price women's clothing, steam then and put them on sale. I've always liked clothes and shops, and I loved the fact that for a morning I could focus on something that wasn't connected to children, home or school. This was for me - to do something worthwhile that was fun and social too.

One of the best things was that when I left my manager Vicki always said 'Thanks Sarah, for what you did this morning!'. Generally small children and husbands don't go around saying "Thanks, Mum!" every time you cook tea, or pick up soggy socks from where they've been scattered, so it was lovely to have someone say 'Thankyou!' once a week, it made me feel appreciated, and I really learnt the value of a timely 'Thankyou!'.

Sale in the Menswear Dept

Since them my love affair with Oxfam and our local shop has grown. A couple of years ago stepped up temporarily to work as Deputy Manager for three months, which was a challenge and was good for my confidence. I enjoyed the role, but working Saturdays meant I had less time with the family at the weekend, so I didn't apply for the permanent job, but went back to being a happy volunteer.  Currently, I look after the Menswear section. Being in charge of a particular section means that I can experiment with pricing, what we put out and how things are displayed. Each week I can see how we are doing in sales in that area, so I get feedback on what I've done and how effective it's been.

The great thing about Oxfam for me, is that it's always given me a window out from my family-centered life on to a wider world. Everything we do at Oxfam is driven from a belief that inequality isn't right and that we can all help to build a better world. Sitting at home typing this blog in a lovely (although rather untidy) house, and surrounded by my lovely (but imperfect) family, I just feel how lucky we are to take so much for granted: Food, water, sanitation, education, shelter and freedom from conflict. All of these things we take for granted, but some of the poorest people in the world lack some or all of these. 

So, my desire to do something about this coupled with the belief that Oxfam is a great organisation means that when you start to look, new opportunities develop. Last autumn I became aware that Oxfam was looking for new members for its Volunteer Working Group and I applied. The group meets two or three times a year, and gives the senior management in the trading department a chance to bounce ideas off, and get feedback from, a group of volunteers who work in Oxfam's shops.  Which is how I found myself last autumn on a train to Birmingham to spend the day sitting around discussing all things Oxfam - marvellous! And then that led to the next thing, which was I discovered that Oxfam were creating a new role called OxReps - speakers who were happy to go out to community groups and schools to talk about Oxfam's work and the issues we are trying to address.

So in January, I was trotting off again - this time to London for weekend training on how to become an Oxfam Speaker. It was a great weekend and I met a great variety of volunteers, including one who had volunteered as a steward at Festivals for about ten years. I hadn't expected to be sitting eating lunch whilst discussing why Ketamine was the drug of choice at Boomtown festival, but that's the joy of getting out of your comfort zone and meeting new people - you never know what you might end up talking about.

So all this training was great, but I'm now coming up to having to sing for my supper as the saying goes. Next week I'm practising one of my presentations at our Shop's meeting and so I've been swotting up on all things Oxfam and practising delivering the presentation to my cat who sleeps on the end of my bed all day. I'm feeling quite nervous, and the cat hasn't been looking very impressed which hasn't helped.

And then comes the real challenge - getting out into the community and trying to get opportunities to do talks and workshops to spread the word. I'm standing on the edge of the nest, and although I'm sure flying will be fun, it all looks a bit scary from up here...

So what happened to January? And for that matter February too? Notes from a failed greenie..

Trouble? Me?

Firstly, apologies for being somewhat absent in the blogosphere for the first two months. In January, I talked about my intention to try and reduce our food waste. Then it all went quiet... So how did it go?

Well the intention was there. I went through my cupboard and made lists of things that needed eating up. I cleaned out the fridge and defrosted the freezer. I made soup with left overs. I organised my friend to come and put bait down for the rat that had invaded the compost heap. Then, well, stuff sort of happened. 

The kids left the freezer door open and the freezer frosted up again. Daughter got stressed with college and needed lots of t.l.c. We thought we'd got rid of the rat, so we dug out the remains of the compost heap onto the veggie patch and the roses, but then the puppy managed to find some uneaten bait and thought she'd eat it instead. We had another expensive trip to the vet. (They made her throw up and eat charcoal biscuits and she was fine.) I got fed up with being overwhelmed with washing and started using the tumble dryer, which I hadn't for years.The rabbit got sick. More trips to the vet. The rabbit got worse. Another expensive trip to the vet to dispatch the rabbit to bunny heaven. Stressed out daughter got even more upset.

If trying to live a greener life is a game of snakes and ladders, I think I've slid down more snakes in the last two months than ladders that I climbed last year. So my resolve for March is to get back on those ladders, and to start blogging again.

On the other hand, it has been a good year so far for the vet...